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Laura Kessel is managing editor of The News-Herald in Willoughby. She writes a weekly column and shares her thoughts here.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Who needzzzzzz the new TV shows?

All television shows should be reruns.
Apparently, that’s the only way I’ll see any of it.
I used to tell people that my favorite shows are “Big Bang Theory” and “Two and a Half Men.” I can’t really say that anymore, though, because I’ve yet to make it completely through an episode this season without falling asleep.
It’s a strange phenomenon.
My husband and I sit and watch TV while we eat dinner every night, and a series of shows get laughs and I pay attention to plot twists and make it to the end without a problem.
When dinner ends, however, and I sit down to view the new stuff, it’s zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Maybe I should blame it on the digestion process, which causes most of the body’s attention to be focused on the stomach. As I sit there, my brain’s not allowed to be engaged enough to pay attention to the shows, because my energy is attacking the food I just ate.
I guess it’s possible. I’ve heard a bunch of times that the blood rushes to the stomach to aid in the digestion process.
Or maybe it’s that when I watch TV, I lie back on the couch under the blanket I like to call “The Devil.” It’s one of those fleece blankets that you make by snipping the edges and tying them into little knots.
I actually made it as a Christmas gift for my husband, in Ohio State colors. I used the heavy fleece, and it’s two layers. So, when I climb under it, I don’t stand a chance against its powers to render me comfortable enough to fall asleep.
We actually have two of the blankets. The other one is known as “The Little Devil,” but only because it’s made with the lighter fleece. I had made that one for my sister-in-law, but when I finished it and picked it off the floor up to fold it, noticed it had a huge black mark down the back of the fleece. So, it became our “little devil.”
It could also be that I’m just tired. People try to get me to admit that one all the time. They hear that I wake up at 5:30 every morning and assume that after I’ve been awake for about 15 hours, worked for eight and gone to the gym and worked out for a 45 minutes to an hour, that I’m just tired enough to fall asleep.
Hogwash! How could all that make me tired?
A possible fourth reason I might not be able to watch any of the TV shows I intend to see could be the shows themselves.
I have no problem with reruns of “Seinfeld,” or “M*A*S*H,” or “The Dick Van Dyke Show,” or even “Everybody Loves Raymond.”
But give me a “CSI:” or “House,” and I’m a goner.
I blame it on the formula. I just know it now.
If it’s “CSI:,” I know that unless it involves certain criminal, the crime will be solved in about 44 minutes of show. Sure, there will be twists and gorey moments and witty dialogue, but they’ll know the answer. I can count maybe five patients who died in eight years of “House.” So, yeah, I know they’re gonna live.
I tried to get into some of the other shows, but something always stands in the way.
The lead character in “The Good Wife” will always be Carol Hathaway, the nurse who stole George Clooney on “ER.” I just can’t forgive her for that.
Nothing against Joe Mantegna, but “Criminal Minds” was better when Mandy Patinkin was leading the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit that is the center of the show. I just can’t watch it anymore.
I had high hopes for “Unforgettable,” a police drama that stars Poppy Montgomery, who was on “Without a Trace.” But her formerly beautiful blonde hair is now a weird reddish brown, and it distracted me for the first half of the first episode, then I fell asleep, and I haven’t been back since.
So, you see my problem. And you see why I’ve started clinging to the reruns that I can now recite along with the characters.
Sure, it’s embarrassing, and a huge waste of time.
But if a show about nothing can keep me busy for a little while, is that so wrong?
Twitter: @Lauranh


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