The following column appeared in The News-Herald on Nov. 17, 2012: 

My name is Laura, and I can’t stand waiting.

There are a lot of reasons.

One is that I don’t have the wardrobe for it.

(Go with me, it actually does make sense)

My legs are short, which necessitates petite length pants. But the pant legs are still so long that I need to wear heels so my shoes come out the bottom. So, long periods standing around are uncomfortable with most of my heels.

Then there’s the hands thing.

I’m not sure about you, but I sometimes wonder what to do with my hands when I’m standing around.

In my pockets? Down to my sides? Do I fold my arms?

Having a cellphone helped that one a lot, because I can fiddle with my apps. Twitter keeps me busy for long stretches, because it’s constantly updating.

What’s even more helpful is that I have two phones — one’s my personal one; one’s for work. So, there’s more to look at if it takes longer than anticipated.

But then comes another problem if I exhaust my phones’ helpfulness. If the waiting goes on too long, where should I focus my eyes?

If I eyeball the receptionist in the doctor’s office, she’ll pay me back by not finding any good appointment times. If I look at others in the waiting room, they’ll think I’m checking them out or giving them trouble.

It’s a no-win.

Then there are the waits at restaurants.

Because most places don’t provide much space to hang around and wait for an open table, I’m not that likely to put my name on a list to wait for dinner.

Exceptions are when we’re dining with other people.

You don’t want to throw a tantrum in front of someone else, but the irritation of waiting around puts me on edge. Embarrassing moments are likely, so I usually spend more time with my phone or resort to mumbling under my breath, in hopes they’ll get sick of me and finally shove me into a table — any table.

Unfortunately, waiting around is becoming commonplace in Mentor these days.

It’s probably a good thing, because it means the economy is getting a boost.

Between Melt and Zoup, it seems that half of Northeast Ohio has been parking in the lot at the northwest corner of Routes 306 and 20.

To be honest, one of my first thoughts when Melt announced its move into the Mentor location that formerly was a Tony Roma’s and then Jalapeno Loco was that maybe the wait at the some of its other locations will lessen.

There are restaurants I haven’t even tried out because I know the waits will be too long. Michael Symon’s slew of eateries are a perfect example.

I’m a huge fan of this major Cleveland booster, but I’ve never eaten his food. I just can’t stand the idea of spending an hour waiting for a table, in order to then wait for a hamburger.

He seems like a terrific guy, and he and I even shared a rather humorous Twitter exchange a few months ago. But I’m not into that kind of ordeal.

My husband’s been to his restaurants several times, all when I’ve been out of town. I don’t mind, though. He has more patience than me.

With no potential for the waits lessening, I’ll just pack a bag full of snacks, reading material and my phone charger and head out to find dinner some night.

If you see a woman staring at you with her arms folded while talking under her breath, don’t worry.
It’s just me. Because I don’t like to wait.

LKessel@News-Herald.com
Twitter: @Lauranh